


Fault (in our Fanfiction)

by InsominiacArrest



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Comedy, Fluff, M/M, Meta, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-12
Updated: 2016-02-12
Packaged: 2018-05-19 21:50:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5982025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsominiacArrest/pseuds/InsominiacArrest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wade and Peter have run-ins, Wade is far too self-aware and Peter just wants to pass data structures. </p><p>It's almost a love story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fault (in our Fanfiction)

The First Time 

Peter knew Wade was especially interested that time when he first showed up in a cowboy hat and denim, and the first thing out of his mouth was “wish I knew how to quit you.”

Peter commented that he wish he would already, or at least do a better Jake Gyllenhaal impression. 

They stood in the chilly wind on a skyscraper, Peter patrolling for baddies and Wade doing whatever the hell he did.

He then looked him dead in the eye and said, “we’re in fanfiction town now.” In a cheesy grovel tone.

Peter backed up and spouted an obligatory, “what?”

“I mean, I haven’t figured out the genre yet, but it’s down to fucking, snuggling and maybe some sort of dog sex?”

“Alright.” Peter blinked slowly under his mask. “Alright then.”

“But I’m really more of tentacles guy. Maybe a little ass play.” Ass play.

“Well, it’s been real Wade. And by that I mean Too Real. Gotta go.” Peter planned to walk off the side of that building as naturally as possible, and perhaps try not to dwell on the fact he was just invited for dog-sex.

“I’ll see again!” Wade calls after him as he swings away to the next building and next patrol.

 

The Second Time 

Peter ran into him again the next week, he was going for a morning ‘fuck I’m late for class’ jog when he spots him having a cup of tea. Well, not really ‘having’ as much as holding and pouring on the front of his mask.

Peter had to do a double take at seeing the merc out in public. Normal public. With normal people.

It blew his mind and actually activated his Spider senses. He slips into a back alley. Welp, well there goes Data Structures, skipping class it was.

He slips into his suit and hides his backpack underneath a dumpster (hopefully no bum would be interested in his trig textbook...unless he wanted to do Peter’s homework, then he totally could).

He turned a corner and goes to inspect what Deadpool was doing in his neighborhood.

“Hey Kitten,” Wade waves at him happily. “Or do you want sugar pop or candy ass?”

“You can call me anything once I’m done--"

“Of course he doesn’t want to be birdie poo! Birds eat spiders, idiot.” He was talking to himself.

“Wade.” He says seriously, “what are you doing here?”

 

“Waiting for the antagonist.”

“Oh my God.” Peter groans.

“I know, I’m not looking forward to it either. Really, we should just get to what everyone wants to see.”

“You getting some sort of psychiatric help?”

“If that’s what you want to call ‘falling for me’ than yes...And then maybe some ceiling fucking, people love them some ceiling fucks.”

"Wow." Peter looks him up and down, “I’m swooning.” He says dryly.

“Now you’re getting it!” He cheers, “now do you want to be a tearful twink thing or are we going full hurt and then comfort?”

Peter massages his temples, “I skipped class for this.” He mumbles bitterly.

“Oh don’t be like that Spidey.”

“Do you know anything about data structures? Because soon, neither will I.” He complains, it was mostly his own fault for skipping so much. What could he say it was boring and freezing. Like wear a sweater or your nipples say hello to the whole class freezing.

And Peter wasn’t big on sweaters.

“I know I like the structure of your data.” He points finger guns at him, “I’m winking right now if you can’t tell.”

“I can’t.”

Peter was about to shove Deadpool out of his neighborhood when an explosion came from the other side of the street.

“See!” Deadpool says excitedly, “I told you, antagonist.”

Peter tunes out Deadpool to concentrate on crossing the street and getting civilians out of the way.

“Don’t get too beat up baby!” Deadpool calls after him, “Not unless you’re into nursing smut, and I do look hot as a nurse.”

Like he said, Peter tried to tune him out, and not imagine Deadpool in anything other than a prison uniform (and like, not a tight one).

Peter swung into action, Electro Man got in a few hyper zaps (yes, he called them that), and Peter got in at least two quips about being frying his circuits.

The police come just in time to yell at Peter and he leaves just in time to see Wade giving him two thumbs up. And then a jerk off motion.

Spidey almost gives him a special hand gesture of his own, but decides better of it. Didn’t need that in the paper.

He gets back into his civilian clothes and makes it to the tail end of his lecture. He crosses his arms over his chest throughout to hide what the AC was doing to him.

He blames Deadpool.

 

The Third Time 

 

Peter is on hyper alert for the next week: it was either that Deadpool was tracking him or Peter was losing it and technically had a new imaginary friend. That killed people.

Which sounded about right.

It’s only when he’s loitering on a rooftop for too long when Deadpool caught him again.

“Why are you following me?” He snaps through his mask, approaching the mercenary with twinges of annoyance and curiosity.

“I want you to read this.” Peter backs up again as Deadpool takes out some phone with hello kitty bandaids across the cracks in the screen.

“Are you just going to show me gay porn again? I am still scrubbing my brain from the last Deadpool ‘show and tell.”

“Hey, I swear that was an accident! And foot play is absolutely normal and healthy--”

  
“Nope. No. Not this conversation."

“Anyway,” He sits down on the ledge and pats the seat next to him, “I got tired of waiting so I wrote my own story.”  
  
Peter feels like wilting, and also like he should leave, but Wade did have a certain pull to him, like a black hole with an orbit. The trick was not get completely sucked all the way in.

He sits down, better judgement be damned.

“I’m glad you are learning to express yourself.” He says as he looks over the paragraphs, with barely any spacing and what looked like random capitalization.

“Thank you, the first comment is a very supportive, it says ‘where was your fcking spell check???’ and the next is ‘I wish I could give negative kudos.’”

“Kudos?”

“They're like ego-masturbation points.”  
  
Peter is thinking about how damning his better judgement had consequences. 

 

“Should I read it out loud?”

Peter looks over the first sentence, “why I am I in fishnets??” Is the next thing out of his mouth.

Wade chuckles, “hey, buddy, you’re lucky we’re not in fursuits. Gotta appeal to the freaky people.”

“No, we don’t.” Peter is going pale in the face. “..Do you...own a fursuit?” Wade was like a weird modern art piece you kept looking at cause you didn’t _get_ it.

He leans in slowly, “Gotta yiff everything once.”  
  
“Seriously?”

  
Wade was laughing, “nah, but you should see your face!”

“You can’t even see my face.”  
  
He abruptly stops being jovial, “yeah, but I can imagine it.”  
  
“Uh,”

“It’s hot.”

“Sure.” He wags a finger at him, “I’m not taking off my mask. If that’s what you’re after.”  
  
Wade shakes his head, “I’m not that type of bro.”

 

Peter sighs deeply, “what are you doing in the city again?”  
  
“Hey. Kid.” Deadpool says gruffly now, “some of us have to work for a living.”  
  
“Awe. Knocking people off, real work.” He says skeptically.

“Sometimes I like to think I knock them up too.” He keeps tip-tapping on his phone.

“Is that why you’re here?”

Wade glances up and nods, “spider babies…”

Peter scoots farther away from him on the ledge. “I can never tell when you’re joking.”

“I never joke.”

“Well...I hope you can get who ever it is quickly.”

“In my fic it’s a hot cat lady, who also carries sex pollen.” He looks Peter up and down, “That’s where you come in.”

“I’m going to go see my therapist to forget all this.” Peter moves to get up.

“Is your therapist hot?”

“Yes. Regular sex pollen dealer.” He responds dryly.

“Ooh~” Wade waves at him once more as he swings away.

Peter is surprised they hadn’t ended up fighting anytime since Wade was in the city, maybe it’s because Deadpool thought they were in some sort of love story.

Peter brushes it off.

 

Number Five 

Wade is sure to tell him this was the fifth time they met recently, ‘because that is how it’s set up, just look above you’ and Peter rolls his eyes. Or he would have if he wasn’t in immense pain.

“What’s up buttercup?” Wade turns his head and says off to the side, “yes I think he’ll like that one.”

“Nothing.” Peter collapses on the side of a dumpster. The alley was empty and dim as Wade finds him slumped on the ground, “I’m just giving up having whole and healthy ribs for lent.”

Wade giggles, “how many guys was it?”

Peter sighs, “two. One just got in a lucky crack. With a crowbar.” He looks up at the brown New York sky, murky and star-less.

"That sucks spidey," Wade plopped down next to him, “brownie?” He presents him with a tin of baked goods.

Peter stares at him blankly, “how…?” He shakes his head, “you know what, I don’t care.” He grabs one of the snacks and munches on it, that might restore his strength, or maybe mood.

“I was told gifts would move us along.”  
  
“To what?” He says with his mouth full.

Deadpool shrugs, “they didn’t say, but,” he grins through his mask somehow, “it’s gonna be _hot_.”

Peter stuffs another brownie in his mouth, “your voices sound exciting.”

Wade grows still, his body pausing its usual motion like clockwork that halted mid tick, “not really.” His voice is gravely and makes Peter’s skin crawl.

He doesn’t know what to say next, Wade is staring him down.

“Ever make it to that class?”

Peter nods, “eventually.”  
  
“7th grade must be tough.”

Peter scowls, “thanks. We just learned our seminar on personal space and boundaries.”

“Sounds like the sexual harassment class cap made me take.” He remarks thoughtfully as he scratches his chin.

Peter’s eyes go wide and then he snorts, which really hurts his ribs and makes him hold his side. “Cap made you do what?”  
  
“Yeah. I complimented his butt one too many times.” He sighs with forlorn. “Some art has to be admired from afar. Far away from his moody boyfriend who can complain really loud.”

Peter laughs a little again, mostly because he had similar thoughts about cap. That he kept to himself.

Deadpool talks, because that’s what Deadpool does, about the class and the blonde lady with a pig nose and blowing up the punch bowl.

 

Peter should be mad, but he also needed a distraction. Spidey-healing-factor was only so quick.

Deadpool ended up taking out his hello-kitty bandages.

“Ta-dah.” He takes off the peeling off the back and tries to stick Peter with it, “make you feel better.”

Peter tries to squirm away but Wade is quick and holds his sides steady with surprising delicacy.

He places three pink stickers on him.

“Are those even bandages?”

“Shh,” Deadpool presses his fingers to his lips, “let them do their thing, sweet prince.”

Peter shakes his head, “if you want to be useful you can help me out of this alley.”

“You really that hurt?”

“It happens to some of us mortals.”

Deadpool goes very still at that phrasing, just like before, but the darkness doesn’t creep back like Peter has been witness to in the past.

“Soooo, can I take you home?” He starts to help him up, “maybe lay you down on some maiden bed and pop that sweet cobweb cherry--”

“Let’s say _half_ way home.” He interrupts in bored tone.

 

Wade accepts that. He helps him stumble out towards Forest Hills.

 

The Sixth Time 

Peter is almost all healed when he finds Deadpool again. Which was a strange impulse for him, as in for Peter to track down Wade was a new one, he searches the highest buildings anyway.

He finds the merc mumbling to himself, high on a apartment roof hunched in a red ball, bright against the grey building top.

“Hey.” Peter starts, considering kicking him to get his attention.

Deadpool looks up quickly, “uh, Spidey?” He says in confusion.

“You forgot your brownie tin with me.” He says absently as he places the orange and red metal box next to the man.

Deadpool just stares it, “nah. Though I’m sure the blonde I nicked it off of is missing it.”

Peter frowns deeply at that, “and here I thought you were wooing me.”

“Wooing happens all on it’s own, this is romance-destiny-shit.” He responds wagging his finger, “and it’s the thought that counts.”

“You steal those too?”

“Don’t make me come up there.” He pauses, “you can leave now.”

“What?”

“It’s been a long day.” Deadpool gestures at his leg. It was missing.

Peter jumps back, “whoa!”

“Yeah. Still waiting on this puppy. Unless you want to stick around and make out.”

Peter shakes his head, “I’m not that desperate.”

Wade perks up at that, “that’s what half my exes said too.” He makes a meowing noise and tiger claw. "Before I got to them."

Despite the piss-poor seduction Peter decides to keep him company, the nights were long and Peter's sleep was always a little fraught with uncomfortable aches and ghosts at this point.

“And hey,” he learns forward, “lemme just say.” He goes close to Peter’s ear, “there are _perks_. To me I mean.”

“Are you talking about,”

“I’m talking about my dick.”

“Wow. Here I was hoping it was your personality.” Peter tilts his head, “is this part of the wooing or the fiction?”

“It’s part of the whole package baby.”

They chat, it’s disjointed and disruptive like it usually is but Peter isn’t complaining. Maybe he likes a little disjointed. Another little bandage is placed on his cheek.

“What’s with all the bandages?” He asks as the hello kitty waves at him from her box.

Wade shrugs, “we all need a little pussy in our lives.”

“Oh my God, do you ever think about other things?”

"Sometimes dick." Wade leans his head back, readjusting his gloves, “gets lonely in Deadpoolville spidey. So don’t blame the brain for thinking about the pleasures of life.”

“The pleasures of life.” Peter tilts his head. “I don’t think that comes with the hero gig.”

“Kid, that barely comes with the normal life gig.”

  
“You have one of those?” Peter is curious, “a normal life.”

Wade puts his leg in place, it is halfway grown back like a reverse anatomy lesson, blood and sinews and skin crawling back on in little uneven patches, “something like that.”

Peter realizes he’s not going to get anymore than that.

“Do you need help getting somewhere?”

He shrugs, “no where to go. Though,” he takes out the phone he probably stole. “I do need to finish my story.”

“How does it end?”

“Same old shit.”

“Death?”

“You ask me, ‘oh Wade how do I shut you up?’ and I say, ‘kiss me,’ and we smooch.” He said in a wistful tone.

“Sounds nice.”

“Tell me about it.”

Peter leans on him a little bit, they listen to the city howl and whine into the night as sirens blare and distant laughter of villains and heroes echoes off the street corners. Peter wonders how he was going to pay rent next month and get Tony Stark to get off his back about new blasters. How aunt May would pay her medical bill.

 

Deadpool tells him about some shit about lace and Bangkok brothels, and he grabs his face and plants a very warm kiss on his cheek when Peter stops paying attention.

"Lighten up kid."

Peter rubs the side of his face in indignation, "what was that for? Retribution for my sins?"

"How stories are supposed to end."

Peter rolls his eyes, "no hot dog sex?"

"Nah, alpha/omega stuff is off the menu. Unless," he glances at him, "I'm wiggling my eyebrows at you." 

"I can tell."

"Well buddy, you're no fun."

Peter rolls up his mask to breath a little easier. "It's Peter. You can just call me Peter."

He can hear Wade's breath hitch for a moment. "I'm Wade."

"I know. You told me," he scowls, "like five months ago too. And then told me about how nice my ass is."

"It is really nice. In fact, half my fic is a poem dedicated to it. Cleft cheeks, webbed red, dick hard. It's raining."

"Please keep your day job."

Wade groans, and pulls his leg closer together, "no need to worry about that. I was told the last line was too cheesy. I'm retiring."

"Was it about my dick or great sense of humor?" He's smiling.

Wade looks away, "it was about what it's all about stupid. They fall in love."

Peter is quiet after that, Wade somehow gets to his feet, shaking and freshly formed like a pink molted egg shell.

"See you around Petey."

Peter gets up too see him off, they don't kiss when he tells him to shut up, but Peter has to admit it occurs to him. Just a little.


End file.
